I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
