i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
