so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
