nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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