who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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