Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
