i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
