wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
