If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize