Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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