3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
