Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
