he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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