DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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