I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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