I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
