honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
