I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
