I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
