bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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