I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
