so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
