Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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