Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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