pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
