Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
