i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
