After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize