Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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