So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
