Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
