when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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