is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
