how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
