i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
