My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He shit in the fireplace
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
