worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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