It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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