if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
