There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
