Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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