wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think people are normalizing furries
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
