I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
