Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
