names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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