i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
