i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I smell like Dick and happiness
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
