so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
