You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
