I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
