So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just pee around me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize