Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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