Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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