OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
