if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
