Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
