capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
