I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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