i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
