i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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