i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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