in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
