he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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