Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
