don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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