So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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