Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
