Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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