i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
