I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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