i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
